


never stop choosing you, i'll never get used to you

by ballumschmallum



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M, ballum - Freeform, based on tumblr prompts!!, ben x callum
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29811906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ballumschmallum/pseuds/ballumschmallum
Summary: a collection of ballum one shots based on tumblr prompts
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	1. “I never want you to think you’re anything less than my top priority”

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! i've decided to create somewhere to post all my prompts! sorry for the lame title.
> 
> the first one is dedicated to gemma - thank you for the prompt gemma and i hope you like this! <3 
> 
> i will be posting my other prompts that i have saved on my drive but since it's gone 1am, it can wait for another day!

Callum felt lucky.  _ So lucky _ . 

Something that was clogging up his lungs to the extent that at times he felt like he was gasping for breath, wanting his lungs to grasp onto the tiniest bit of air, had now been broken down. Disintegrated into the tiniest of pieces like atoms floating about in the night sky that was peaking through the drawn curtains of Ben and Callum’s bedroom. The shadows of the silver and white of moonlight reflecting into Callum’s eyes like it was showing him that there is now light seeping into the crazy world that he’s built around him. That maybe he can finally,  _ really _ be happy. 

It was the early hours of the morning when Callum let his mind wander into the night sky as he laid in his bed, sheets swimming around him. He lets a breath of air escape his lips, his lungs feeling free and back to its healthy rhythm.

Though, he felt something restrictive, something that was tugging at his lungs. Callum swallowed and looked down at the man that was putting a comforting and warming pressure on one side of his body. The silvers of the night bounced across Ben’s face as he snuggled into Callum’s chest that was covered with a grey t-shirt. His breathing was even and his arm was wrapped tightly around Callum’s waist, like he never wanted to let him go, even while he was asleep. 

Callum found it endearing watching Ben sleep. There were some nights where Callum would wake up in the early hours, where pinks would threaten to splash over the blues of the night. He would look down or over to the other side of the bed a few finger widths apart to find Ben laying there fast asleep peacefully. 

It was like all the demons that perched on Ben’s shoulders every day and surrounded him with rage and fire had just  _ gone.  _ Like it had all been lifted from the complexity of his facial features as he slept. 

Callum smiled softly and tickled the back of Ben’s hairline as a mechanism to soothe the both of them. He looked up at the ceiling, exhaling quietly as he watched the shadows of the night dance. 

The doomed thought of almost losing Ben and his new found family crackles over Callum’s heart like awakening deafening thunder and makes his stomach drop. Callum swallowed the lump that was threatening to rise in his throat as the insides of his stomach started to roll and hot prickles came shooting up his spine.

He really thought he would lose everything that he had built. It made him sick to the stomach on the depths he went to to  _ protect Ben  _ that he was almost blinded by it. Blinded on the consequences that he was actually betraying Ben’s family which would hurt Ben even more and damage his trust,  _ their love.  _

The moment he first found Ben when he swanned into the Queen Vic, he felt petrified. He still remembers the way his hand gripped against his, the way the blue in Ben’s eyes swam whenever he dared to look his way, the cheeky grin that always shined on his lips.

But in the end he knew why his heart wanted to thump out of his chest with every aching second that he was in the same room as Ben. He didn’t want to face it at first but then when he did, facing his fears head on - he didn’t have to be scared anymore - he didn’t want to be scared anymore. When he admitted it in front of the whole pub,  _ he wasn’t scared anymore.  _

Because he had Ben by his side. He couldn’t imagine a life without him, he didn’t want to imagine a life without him. 

He had to do it once and it shattered every piece of him like he was glass and everything he had and everything he was was broken into tiny fragments. 

When he told Ben everything at the pub, he could feel Ben’s eyes on him. Whenever he looked up, he could see the way that Ben looked at him intensely. And after every intense look, the more his stomach dropped into a black hole. Thinking this was it, the last pint and then  _ it’s over _ .

Callum felt like he could burst when Ben looked back at him with a reassuring smile that was so soft and warm, which was only for  _ him _ . Ben reached over and squeezed his hand comfortingly and Callum felt his body tremble, like he was about to rupture into a blubbering mess. 

Callum ran a hand down his face, his fingers clammy as he let out a small sigh. He really did expect to be sleeping on the sofa of his old flat, not still here in the one place that he feels the happiest that is confined within these four walls, in the warmth and presence of the love of his life and bed sheets.

“Can’t sleep?”

The familiar sleepy voice that had a small croak at the back of the throat dragged Callum away from his thoughts. He looked down to find Ben looking up at him through his eyelashes. He could feel Ben stroke his chest lightly. 

“You okay?” Ben presses quietly amongst the stars. 

“Yeah m’fine,” Callum sniffs. “Just woke up and it’s taking a while for me to get back off again.” 

Ben lifts his head up at this moment, and brings it to rest on his hand that is planted gently on the side of Callum’s chest. “Ya not thinking about work are ya?” He approaches the subject delicately, with a hesitant bite of his bottom lip. “Y’know it’s okay,  _ we’re okay. _ I do get why you did what you did.” He adds, taking hold of Callum’s hand and slowly intertwining their fingers - a perfect fit like two pieces of a jigsaw fitting together, like a beautiful melody as they were in flawless sync. 

“I just can’t help but think about the last couple of months,” Callum admits sheepishly. “It eats me up how I went behind your back all the time, how I ditched you for work even when we were both supposed to be having the day off.” Callum looks at Ben, the moonlight reflecting on his face, outlining his features and making his freckles look like twinkling stars. 

Callum gently places his hand on Ben’s jaw, the roughness of his short stubble sending goosebumps and tickling his fingertips. “I meant what I said. It was never about going against your dad, your family. I was doing this for you, to protect you. I would do anything to protect you.”

Ben smiles almost shyly, the navy blue that is pouring into the room hiding the flush that is highlighting his cheeks, “Ditto.” 

Callum breathes out, “I never want you to think you’re anything less than my top priority, Ben.  _ Never.  _ You will always come first.”

Ben could feel his heart swelling in his chest, with nothing but love. He meant what he said to Jay earlier on, he did want to marry Callum and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. Callum was the only one who got Ben, who understood him.  _ Hell, he was the only one who could take his shit. _

Ben looked up at Callum almost vulnerable, like all his shields have come down under the spell of the night. When it was just the two of them, he was allowed to be vulnerable, he was allowed to be soft around Callum. No one would know apart from the two of them, the thick sheets that surrounded them, and the stars. 

Ben swallows. “You’ll always be my top priority too as it goes, Cal. Even if it doesn’t look like it at times. You and Lex are the two most important people in my life; when push comes to shove, you two will be what really matters.  _ You are my family. _ ”

Callum can feel the lump burning in his throat, threatening to come pouring out. “You’re my family too,” he almost croaks out. “I love you.” 

“You better,” a glint of teasing dances in Ben’s tone. Through the darkness, Callum notices how Ben’s face softens, breaking into an endearing smile that is infectious as it also tugs at Callum’s lips. “I love you too,” he states, leaning up and pecking Callum softly on the lips. 

“Now c’mon,” Ben moves off of Callum to shuffle on his back. “Get some sleep.” 

When Ben looks back at Callum, Callum’s head is turned to the side with his eyebrow raised curiously. Ben stretches his arm out, luring for Callum to come closer, so he can be wrapped up in his warmth and any light that Ben surprisingly may have, to send him back to sleep.  _ He needs it.  _

Callum shuffles under the covers and gently rests his head on Ben’s chest. He immediately breathes in  _ everything Ben _ , his smell and his touch tingling all of his senses as they envelope him under the covers. 

“I’m not going anywhere okay?” Ben whispers, his lulling voice echoing into the night as he runs his fingers through Callum’s hair, enjoying the satisfaction of his fingers digging into his soft bouncy locks. 

“And I’m never going to leave you,” Callum responds, his eyes fluttering to a close. 

He felt so lucky. They both felt  _ so lucky _ .

  
  
  



	2. “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on a tumblr prompt “we’re not just friends and you fucking know it”
> 
> friends to lovers au

They had been friends for as long as either of them could remember. They had met on the first day of university, Callum felt like an outcast, wanting to escape his life at home back in London; away from his family, away from the people where he could not see his worth. He never felt that he was  _ enough _ . Until he met Jay and Lola, and most of all  _ Ben Mitchell _ . From that moment, they were all inseparable, the best of friends. Callum had finally found his worth and where he belonged. After all this time, he finally found and knew the meaning of  _ home _ . 

They cried at graduation at the thought of parting. It was lucky for Ben, Jay and Lola that they lived in pretty much the same area. Jay and Ben had pretty much grown up together in this small part of London called Walford. They were all connected in some way as Lola was the granddaughter of a family cousin. Except for Callum and a pang stabbed at his heart at the very thought. But they never made him feel like that. To them, Callum would always be family and they would always be Callum. 

Even though Callum had loved Jay and Lola to pieces and it broke his heart to be separated from them, it wasn’t actually them that made his heart feel like it was going to physically drop and the insides of his stomach start to twist at the thought of being lonely again. It was Ben. Throughout those three incredible years at university, Ben had been his savour. But at the same time, Ben broke his heart.

He broke his heart whenever there was a party at halls or a house party somewhere near the university. He broke his heart when Callum spotted him making out with some random guy in a dark corner, where colourful lights bounced off of their bodies, dancing with their colliding lips. Callum would only draw his eyes away when Lola or Jay shoved a drink in his hands. They noticed the sympathetic look shining in their eyes followed by a reassuring smile. 

But what Callum did not know is when Callum started to have fun at parties himself and make out with the odd bloke ( _ it was not at every party _ ) and went home with him, Ben started to feel his heart shatter piece by piece. It was even worse when Callum took the guy back to their shared house and could hear the husky laughs and the squeaking of the bed springs from Callum’s bedroom. He was happy for Callum, he really was because even though they lived in the same house, his world was warm and fluffy whereas his world was cold and dark. But that did not stop his heart from breaking and having to stop himself from reaching out, wanting to be selfish and put his whole heart on his sleeve. 

Eventually, it got to the stage where they would catch each other’s yearning looks from across the room but they would deny that to anyone and to each other if it was ever brought up. They were just friends, best friends, and that’s all that they could ever be.  _ It’s all they would ever be. _

When university ended, they still saw each other. They made sure to meet up at least once a month or every two weeks if they could, whether it was in Walford or where Callum lived in Shoreditch. 

Ben could not express how happy he felt when Callum came down for a visit one month. Jay and Lola already had their own plans that weekend so it left Ben and Callum to get up to whatever they wanted to do. 

Ben took him to his mum’s gay bar the Prince Albert. It was just the two of them and they had so much fun. They did not care about any other bloke who tried to divert their attention, because tonight was about _ them _ . Just two best friends on a night out that was filled with laughing, drinking and dancing together. Their breaths freezed over for a second when their bodies connected like a magnet on the dancefloor a few times, feeling each other’s hot breaths on each other’s faces as they sang. It felt so intimate and they were not even kissing, but it just felt so right. 

Their hearts were bursting, multiplying with stars, electric sparked through their veins and it made them feel  _ alive _ . 

It was such a beautiful feeling, something magical. But they both knew in their hearts that it was something much more. 

But what made Callum’s chest explode with fireworks is when Ben lightly grazed his lips against his. It was only a small peck but it took his breath away and sent his heart racing. He could feel it thumping through every cell in his body. When Callum looked back at Ben, he noticed how he looked in a daze like he couldn’t quite believe what just happened either, his long beautiful eyelashes fluttering slightly, like a bird lightly fluttering its feathers for attention. Ben certainly had Callum’s full attention. 

Ben let out a breath that he hadn’t realised he had been holding in, “Shall we...erm...go have a drink on the balcony or something?”

And that’s what they did. Ben took Callum’s hand and they bustled their way through the loud sticky bodies that were still bopping on the dancefloor. It was the same at the bar but being the owner’s son, Ben managed to get them a couple of beers fairly quickly as he jumped his way through the queue, like he was some prince.

The balcony was fairly quiet. It was mainly just the two of them leaning against the bannister, admiring the stunning view as you could overlook the whole of Walford and could see the whole life and soul of the neighbourhood that had so many pages, so much history. It was breathtaking. 

Callum nervously sneaked a glance at Ben, nerves floating around in his stomach. Ben was looking ahead, composing himself with small shallow breaths escaping his lips in white cold wisps of air.

_ This was it, this was the moment.  _

“So,” Callum breathes. “This is nice isn’t it. Just two friends having fun.” He chuckles nervously, subconsciously kicking himself for his opening sentence. They weren’t just friends. Heck, he wanted them to be more,  _ so much more. _

Ben carefully turned his head and faced Callum. His eyes were filled with something different, something dark, like a predator searching for his prey. 

Ben studied his face for a moment. Ben could see right through him, and the more he had looked over the years, the more layers of Callum that he managed to peel away. He turns his body so he is facing Callum. Callum’s breath hitches as he feels Ben’s hand come up to his chest, caressing it gently. Though they had never been this intimate before, it felt so familiar. 

“We’re not just  _ friends _ ,” Ben stated. His eyes connected with Callum’s and it felt like fire. They were burning, years of frustration and yearning finally coming to the brim. They were burning for each other. “And you fucking know it.” 

Callum felt his breath hitch once more as Ben collided his lips with Callum’s. This time it was not just a peck, it was filled with fire and passion. All of their feelings over the years were pouring into the kiss, they wanted this, they  _ needed _ this. It was something blissful, something extraordinary. 

There were so many questions, so many hidden feelings that were floating in the sky with the thousands of stars, but for now, they would focus on tonight. They had each other tonight and whatever happened after tonight, at least they had tonight to explore their true feelings, who they really were and what they really felt, even if it was going to be a distant memory. But they both knew, they did not just have tonight, as this was it from them now, this was the start of something new, something beautiful, something that was almost made from magic. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: calsangel
> 
> come say hi and chat all things ballum!<3 xx


	3. “Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on the tumblr prompt - “Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not.”
> 
> Callum has a run in with his dad Jonno since his engagement to Ben. As it’s only the two of them, Ben encourages Callum to let his guards down.

They had returned home from the Vic. The house was filled with an eerie silence as no one was home. It turned out to be a pretty chaotic evening at their local. It was one of their many date nights and they were happy being with each other and just being  _ them _ for the night given the stress of organising the wedding, where the date would slowly creep its way around the corner. They were excited to spend the rest of their lives together, excited at the thought of both of them becoming Mr Mitchell but their stomachs could not help but fill with anticipation and bundles of nerves, wanting their day to be perfect.

But tonight, it looked like all that dread and nerves came bursting at the seams, especially for Callum. From the moment that Jonno made a surprised unannounced reappearance. Callum’s stomach dropped and he felt physically sick at seeing the man in front of him. When Ben clocked him, he murmured reassuring words that things would be okay and even stroked his knee in reassurance. However, it was like Jonno could feel the words floating away from Ben’s lips and could sense the intimate touch as Jonno turned his head and his eyes widened as he saw them, all cosy in the booth but was looking in his direction, intently, fear etched on Callum’s face as Callum swallowed a lump in his throat.

Jonno was his usual homophobic self, shooting cold comments their way that shot sharp knives straight through Callum’s heart. Callum knew what his father was like, that’s why he drew a thick line across his father’s name, wanting nothing more to do with him. But it didn’t stop him from hurting. Even though he felt safer than ever with Ben, Jonno still set him on edge. And when Jonno found out about the engagement, it took his comments to a whole new level.

Ben knuckles went white and he was sure that his blunt nails would cause marks on the palms of his hands due the hard pressure of how those nails dug in, in anger, wanting so bad to knock the man who made his fiancé’s life a misery to the floor just like his dad did, but he held back, for Callum. 

They did not want another confrontation, they did not want another display and give the punters a show. So Callum told Jonno once again to stay out of his life as he is  _ so much happier  _ without him in it before deliberately (and because he wanted to) took hold of Ben’s hand in front of Jonno, entwining their fingers together and left the Vic, never looking back. Just looking towards the future with Ben. 

“I’ll get the kettle on,” Callum breathes, an instant decision as he rushes to pick up the kettle and puts it under the cold tap.

Ben looks at Callum with concern reflecting in his eyes as he watches Callum fill up the kettle, hearing the loud rush of water coming out of the tap and pouring into the kettle, and watching Callum as he intently looks down at the water rushing into the kettle.

Ben lets out a sigh as Callum turns off the tap and makes his way to the other side of the kitchen to place the kettle on the stand and flicks the switch. 

“Let me do that, Cal,” Ben insists, striding over to join him at the other side of the kitchen. “Go and sit in the living room and pick a film for us to watch.”

“No it’s fine,” Callum sniffs as he gets two mugs out of the cupboard.

“Callum,” Ben sighs, almost pleading, wanting him to just stop for a moment. “Please.”

“Do you want tea or coffee?” Callum asks, pretending that he hadn’t heard Ben talk. His fingers are fiddling with the tea bag and coffee jar.

“Callum,” Ben implores, trying to break him out of this trance that he has put himself in.

“Or I can make hot chocolate,” Callum suggests lightly as he reaches up to the cupboard where the tub of hot chocolate powder is stored. 

“Callum,” Ben says louder, wanting Callum to stop and listening, needing him to. 

Callum freezes and slowly turns to Ben, swallowing a lump in his throat. He is greeted to Ben resting a comforting hand on his cheek. 

“Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not,” Ben says softly, rubbing his thumb soothingly against his cheek. “Talk to me.” 

Callum lets out a shaky breath, feeling his eyes start to glass over with frustrated wet tears making his sight cloudy. Callum closes his eyes trying to compose himself and he takes a deep breath, leaning into Ben’s warm and safe touch. When he opens his eyes, Ben is looking at him with nothing but patience, understanding and love filling his eyes. 

“It still gets to me you know,” he admits sheepishly. “Even though I’m happy than I ever thought I could be and I know I don’t want him in my life but his comments still get to me and he can still manage to make me feel  _ crap _ .” He whispers the last word, like he is embarrassed to speak the words into existence because it makes him look weak. He already feels weak. Like the small boy cowering away in his room or behind the sofa again. 

“I know your dad isn’t understanding at the best of times,” he continues. “But at least he’s accepting, of you, of us. My dad can’t even do that.” And it genuinely breaks his heart. 

“C’mere,” Ben whispers softly pulling Callum into a tight loving embrace. Callum immediately tucks his face into Ben’s neck, inhaling the scent of the familiar aftershave that he knows so well, the feeling of being able to nestle into his home. 

Ben rubbed Callum’s back soothingly as he heard the frustrated whimpers vibrating in his neck. He peppers kisses on his neck and shoulder comfortingly, “it’s alright babe, you’ve got me. You will always have me, you hear me?” 

He could feel Callum nod into his neck. “Yeah,” Callum chokes as he pulls away, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “I’m sorry. Just seeing him today just got to me, brought all those feelings back.”

“Hey, you don’t have to apologise to me,” Ben states reassuringly. “I get it. How about you go and sit in there, we’ll watch whatever you want and I’ll make us hot chocolate yeah?”

Callum nods with a small smile. People say that Ben doesn’t deserve him but really at times, Callum feels he doesn’t deserve Ben. 

“Just don’t get lumps in the hot chocolate!” Callum requests as pads his way into the living room. 

  
They find themselves curled up together in the living room, hot chocolate long drunken, and a rom com playing quietly in the background. Callum’s head is resting on Ben’s lap, their hands curled together on Callum’s chest. Ben watches Callum focus on the film playing in front of him. 

“You okay?” Ben asks quietly.

Callum looks at their entwined hands rubbing his thumb along the back of Ben’s hand. “Yeah I’m good, you’re all that I need.” He looks up sheepishly. Ben leans down and gathers Callum’s lips with his in a sweet loving kiss. 

As long as they had each other, they would always be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: calsangel
> 
> come and say hi and chat all things ballum!<3 xx

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: calsangel
> 
> come say hi and chat all things ballum with me!<3 xx


End file.
